Atelophobia;

Assalamualaikum!

People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did,
but people will never forget how you made them feel. Let your faith be bigger than your fears.
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Flight-risk

"Don't cry over the past, it's gone. Don't stress about the future, it hasn't arrived. Live in the present and make it beautiful."

I went for lunch with my mum, we ended up talking about relationships. Her eyes were very vacant, because she was worried about me. I knew she had always wanted me to be in a relationship only until I am in my mid 20's, and so did I. But things like this can't be planned. She was worried that I wouldn't be able to keep a relationship alive for long enough, that I'm starting too early. She said if I was to marry you tomorrow then she wouldn't be as worried. But I told her marriage is just a certificate. I tried to reassure her. There were so many things she worried about. One was you leaving me brokenhearted, at an age when no one will want me anymore. She always told me how men's value increases with age and women's fall, and I understood that. Because we're Asian.

But then there's also something deeper. That was when she brought up her experience with my dad again. How right now the guy will do anything for you until you get married. She told me sternly that if anything ever happens, always remember I have my brothers and her. Because "when you're in the moment, everything is blank." She feared I would want to kill myself. Our talk scared me. And it sent my walls shooting up again. And I'm so sorry for that. It's not fair on you. Because it's got nothing to do with anything you have done, or not done. I'm sorry that I have all this shit that has happened in my life, making it so hard for me to love you. When it should be easy.

I shouldn't think too much in the future because the anticipation is most likely worse than what I'm actually anticipating. Every now and then I have these moments when I just want to leave you, because I'm scared. I'm a flight-risk. But I know I never could just leave you. I'm scared to show you that I love you. And I want to say I'm sorry. For being so messed up. Sorry. I hope I'm strong enough to get pass all this, that I don't ruin this beautiful thing that we have, and that one day I can truly love you the way you deserve to be loved.

I still believe that to be true, being with you made me believe in things I never did before. I know I hurt you, but I would have hurt you more if I had stayed.

love,

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Flight-risk

"Don't cry over the past, it's gone. Don't stress about the future, it hasn't arrived. Live in the present and make it beautiful."

I still believe that to be true, being with you made me believe in things I never did before. I know I hurt you, but I would have hurt you more if I had stayed.

love,

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