Atelophobia
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Accepting Someone-To-Be, YOU.
we were really great at arguing and wanting to kill each other too. Fighting with you was, and continues to be, so intense for me because I care about you. I value your opinion and although you thought at times that I never took the things you said to heart, I listened to every criticism, compliment, and complaint you ever made about me and us.
I bring this up only because I know you didn’t think I was fighting for us in the end and how I believe part of you thinks I was looking for an excuse to get out.
But I wasn’t. I was looking for reasons to stay and to make you want to stay. And I know you never cheated on me and I know you’ll never tell me the extent of who exactly you spoke to and how you talked to them but I don’t want to know; and that’s not the reason I’m writing you this. I’m writing this because I love you, I hate you, I’m going to miss you, and I’m so glad you’re going out there and being the best version of you. I’m writing this because I know all those little things that make you tick and squirm and how despite my pride in being independent and rational you are one of the few people that can unravel me. You are also one of the few people with the ability to build me up again.
For 315 days I got to love you as my boyfriend. And for 323 days and counting I’ve been a part of your life. I know another women will come and replace me and I look forward to still being a part of your life when that happens. I say this with a completely true and open heart because our breakup was hard and painful but it was also necessary.
Our relationship has made me realize how much I still have to grow and how much I’m still not ready to settle down. I’m too spontaneous, restless, and lets face it selfish, to offer even a small portion of myself to anyone right now. Which is why I’m glad I still have you in my corner to anchor me down when I’m in danger of flying off into whatever imaginary sunset I’ve created for the day.
And when that day comes when I do offer my heart to someone, accepting someone, I want you to know that it is because of you and our relationship that I am a better version of myself and will be a better girlfriend, wife, and mother to whatever risk taker is willing to build a life with me. I’ll always be grateful for that.
Our love is different now but nonetheless it is still love. But not pseudo in that I know in my heart and in my head and in every word I speak and write to you. we are in life and how much or little we are a part of that life, that will always stay true.
Thank you loving me and letting me love you. 
love,
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Hello. My name is Nabila. Most people called me Belon because my real name is way too long. Born on 6th August and nobody remember it. I find it Funny that many people dont know where my country is, which is Malaysia. but i really dont care :) well, Its hard to get up in the morning, not because I'm still sleepy, its just that I'm not looking forward to anything throughout the day . but, What you want and what God wants could be two different things, you just have to trust Him because His plan is the best one possible for you ! 
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